Wednesday, May 23, 2007

23rd May 2007

So am back.
Do you lead a boring life but have your head so full most of the time that you feel as if you're going crazy most of time.
Maybe i should start meditation.
I wish my head would calm down though. Have exams coming up and cannot afford it going crazy on me. Am listening to "How to Save a Life" by The Fray. I love this song.
I really really really should study. What's wrong with me? Is anyone else doing this? Will go crazy. Just feel ergh most of the time. Don't know what's wrong. I mean i'm either wildly happy or bleh most of the time. I should really calm down. There is sense in moderation someone once said (atleast i think someone once said this).
I don't know ANYTHING.
Isn't the battle for self supposed to be more meaningful than this? I mean aren't i supposed to be off experiencing heartbreak and love and making mistakes? Instead i'm sitting on my bed ranting on my laptop. The laptop is pretty though. And the keybard is smooth.
Feel like chocolate. Still hope its just PMS.
More soon soon soon soon soon

Monday, May 21, 2007

21st May 2007

It is almost a month later! I don't know why i'm saying this so cheerfully. I should be sad about neglecting this blog. But no matter. Feel particularly happy today for no particular reason. (Too much usage of the word particular). Anyway where were we? oh yes. Last night i got a proper sleep. After a very long time. The past couple of nights have been sleeping at 3 or 4 am and then waking up and taking class and then coming back and sleeping the afternoon away. And then i study for two or three hours and then i chat online and then i sleep again. Tis a sad life. But one that i was starting to enjoy.

Don't fear though. Common sense has prevailed. My room now has a poster saying " Sleep Early. Don't be desperate. No Chatting". Everytime i feel like 'going online' simply look at it and firmly shake my head. Miraculously my willpower, so far, has won. Last night went to bed at 11! And woke up at 8am today and feel so proud and bright. But the thing is, I should be studying. But am not. Does everybody do this? Because am starting to get alarmed. Have turned procastination into an art. And exams coming up. And for some reason everyone seems to think am girl genius. It's the glasses I think.

Anyway so that is why i am blogging. Cannot chat as will get addicted and will eventually fall back into despicable old habits again, so instead, am blogging.

Why am i blogging about why i am blogging?

Sigh. This entry shows that my intellectual level has not risen since my last post. Perhaps it would have had i studied *glares accusingly at brain and the part of myself that makes me study*.

Agh roommate is driving me crazy. She's an amazing person and normally we are all sweetness and light together but her accent is driving me up the wall. She talks to people as if they were babies. You know. Baby talk.

*grimaces* *winces* *groans*.... would go on but am out of words. Thought 'groan' was stretching it a bit far.

You know that song by Coldplay? called "Yellow". It's really old but i am listening to it now. I love it.

i drewww a lineeeeeee i drewwww a lineeeee for youuuu.............. you knowwwwwwwwwwwwwww...................... for you i bleed myself dryyyyy.......... it's trueeeeeeee.........look how they shine for you...................... you know i love you so.

Well i've mixed it up a bit here. But amazing song. Have a listen next time you feel like feeling yum.

I love Coldplay *feels all cosy and warm inside*

Anyway I have decided that i want to fall in love. I do not want an arranged marriage or have to settle for someone. And I want to be happy. And be everything i wanted to be as a child. What brings this on you ask?

Well recently my friends have started to talk about majoring in different subjects. And for some inconcievable reason, accounts is an option many of them looking at. Why? Money. Now i'm all for money but did anyone honestly grow up thinking "When i grow up, I want to balance sheets?" Or produce relaible financial statements. I understand that its practical and everything but doesn't it feel sort of like selling out? I mean when i was growing up, I wanted to be a detective and a witch and a writer and just many many things. But i did not want to study business. Studying business I am though. Agh i don't know what i'm saying. I'm dumb. but somehow everything feels sort of like a cop out now. This is not what i wanted for me in life. I wanted to be properly happy and carefree and just Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay. In my mind's eye I see wise old men with long white beards (are they ever without the long white beards?) nodding sagely and quietly muttering something amongst themselves. Sounds suspiciously like "reality".

Reality sucks. You know it would be fun to be crazy. Maybe crazy people aren't really crazy. They've just invented their own world and live in it. To hell with reality. We like dancing.

Am i being cliched? Perhaps.

I am a cliched person though. Maybe its just PMS. Lets hope.

More soon.